I see you Mama with your hopes and dreams.
Staring out the window while you’re warming a bottle and thinking about how you’d like to further your education. Researching how to start a business during your preschooler’s gymnastics class. Staying up too late after you have fulfilled the needs of your children and your partner to make space and time to work on your art because there is no other time to do it.
You have dreams. You have goals. You have a calling. Something is pulling at your while you’re changing diapers, driving to soccer practice, and folding laundry. Your head is full of ideas and possibilities. But at times they feel damn near impossible to ever accomplish. Meetings get cancelled because your little one has a fever, the looming housework becomes more important than your writing, and the sitter cancels at the last minute when you have a to-do list longer than your grocery list.
The resentment creeps in and you start to see you children as barriers instead of blessings. You feel motherhood is swallowing you whole and there will never be a time where you have accomplishments outside of it. You start to wonder if it’s all worth it.
You fight this fight every day. Some days you go to bed feeling accomplished and others you can’t stop thinking of all the possibilities that weren’t realized. You feel the tug of war between guilt and passion. You feel anger when your toddler gives you a book and crawls in your lap when you were trying to finish that e-mail and then immediate remorse that you were angry in the first place. You feel overwhelmed by the fact that you can’t work uninterrupted for more than 5 minutes. You haven’t achieved that coveted feeling of “flow” that adults crave for when they are in their element, mastering a skill, achieving a long awaited goal. It starts to feel like you can’t have it all so you shouldn’t even bother.
But somehow you keep going. You remember your purpose outside of motherhood. And it’s okay to have another purpose outside of raising those amazing human beings . You are allowed to want more in your life. You are allowed to hire a sitter, ask your child to play alone for a few minutes, or stay up later to finish a project so that you can leave the world a little different than it was this morning. It’s not a choice between motherhood and personal goals. It is constant balancing act where sometimes one will win over the other. But you keep fighting each day.
With appreciation of the moment, altering expectations, and believing you are worthy of having your own dreams you can keep moving. Please mama, keep moving. Listen to your passions and don’t deprive the world of your gifts. You have given life to the world which is already amazing. But you also have so much to give of yourself.
So keep inchworming, keep crawling, keep moving towards that dream even if it is at a snail’s pace. I can’t wait to see what you achieve.